This weekend I am headed to this place called White Raven Center. A good friend of mine recommended I join him and a couple others to this “healing place.” It’s inspired by the story of this guy #sethtaylor and his brother #davidglenntaylor.
Book is called #feelslikeredemption
I figured if #robbell and #craiggross endorse it, and a philosopher I greatly respect #peterrollins, is quoted, I would give it a shot.
If you are anything like me, you have shit that holds you back from being happy, finding rest, feeling alive, etc.
I used to think that everyone had the same problems as me, but after living a little (I turned 30 this month), I realized that not everyone has dealt with the kinda shit I’ve dealt with or at least has had similar experiences.
I also have learned that there are people who have shared a relatable story, and have found their way out.
I’ve tried several things in my life. I’ve studied a bit of Buddhism and went to a temple for a bit, tried out Scientology, and right now working on my Confirmation with the Catholic faith. Not so much because I think it’s the answer, but because I believe in the bigger picture of Christians not being separated.
Thats not the point.
Nothing has worked.
I can’t pin point where it began, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve always have had a hard time sleeping. This no sleep lifestyle has brought about a lot of depression and anxieties and I would medicated it with booze and drugs.
I hate it.
My friends and family have seen it destroy my life.
I have been learning how to not numb myself, but it’s not enough, I still get anxieties and i just can’t find a state of rest where I can just sleep.
This year and last has been a time of strengthening and healing. I have lost a lot but have also gained so much. I regret so much in my life, but greatful for what I still have and the knowledge I have gained.
This place, I am headed to this weekend, seems crazy and I am having my doubts. I started off excited, now I’m getting nervous.
Can’t wait to share my experience with you when I return.
I usually get lost on this website.
Probably my favorite website besides my own.
I don’t know where to begin to even discuss the wisdom I didn’t get to accumulate in my 20’s.
I have a list of things I regret, and I am more than open to share that with you if you ask me personally, in the mean time here is what I don’t regret:
4. Being Christian.
5. Associating myself with people who might embarrass me.
6. Going to Cuba.
7. Caring about 3rd world problems. - Like water, aids, and hunger.
9. Skate boarding
11. Late nights editing.
12. Moving to LA.
13. Realizing that open-mindedness is the purest form of close-mindedness.
14. Dating a Catholic.
i love being an american
i also hate that most people are slaves in this country. slaves to the 9-5. slaves to vacation time, the weekend, a house, car, going out for dinner, that “designer” shirt, pant, scarf, hat, wallet, watch, fucking underwear.
Independence means nothing, other than you are a slave to the latest organization you are a part of.
Think about it
You have people seeing through your clothes at the airport.
You borrow money and now have a credit “score”.
You pay the IRS (God know how much money) …btw the Internal Revenue System is an agency HIRED by the US to collect your money. You understand that right? Most people don’t. They think IRS is part of the government.
I really love the 4th of July, simply because I am a Capitalist. That’s what 4th of July means to me. The freedom to profit.
A part of me is socialist as well…tribal, thinking about the good of all. It sounds pretty on paper, but unless I look out for myself, I can’t help others….wait..
Maybe the moment people get organized they capitalize, till than, they are social.
I wrote a blog about one of the 2 sisters that I have that never got published. Reason being, well, I mess up a lot of things, but we can go through that later.
My sister ALICIA
Way more responsible than me. Here are 12 things that everyone should know.
1. Born with messed up legs…guess what, she can walk.
2. Had the cutest bangs, sorry bica…
3. She loves children, I dont remember meeting someone so centered, controlled and able to compose themselves with a bunch of lil shorties running around.
4. Her patience and understanding to people and life is worth bragging about. (Seriously, she deals with my retardedness about 4 weeks a year.)
5. Sometimes I feel she is my aunt…I know, weird.
6. She calls me Samuel… I call that respect.
7. Amazing sense of humor, she just enjoys laughing, say something dumb, she’ll laugh so you don’t feel bad.
8. Wait, did I just explain she is compassionate. Yep, such good manners…she’s in the business of meeting you on your level.
9 Maturity. Her emotional Intelligence is so good. She can feel if something is off, she won’t call it out, only if she needs to, and if she has too…shoot. Good luck.
10. Her real name is Alicia but those who love her and she love, she goes by Licha.
16 facts about my father.
A collection of thoughts in no particular order.
1. Crossed the border illegally several times and thats why I am here.
2. Had several business’ and gave them up for a pure and honest life.
3. Doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
4. The most creative carpenter you will ever meet. This guy can build anything.
5. Self taught carpenter, electrician, plumber, mechanic, the english language.
6. He’s a pastor (and the true definition of one.)
7. Loves to BBQ.
8. Pool table shark.
9. Taught me how to knot a tie.
10. Kicked my ass several times for talking back to my mom. (I am younger and taller than him and can still kick my ass and probably yours.)
11. Loves to go camping. I remember pitching my first tent with him.
12. Made me tile a whole house once. Literally, like tile the floor.
13. He said several times growing up, “I hope you become better than me.”
14. If you get him laughing, its an amazing feeling of accomplishment.
15. Will wrap his finger with electric tape before getting stitches.
16. I grew up calling him “jefe”, which means “boss” in spanish.
My father really taught me what love is. Love means dedication, honesty, loyalty, respect, kindness, humility and oddly enough, pride. Oh yea, by the way, I am machismo as hell thanks to him and damn proud of it. It’s a lost art in today’s man culture.
I am working on a film about my pop’s life. Here is the playlist of music I have been collecting that will be the soundtrack for it.
i wish this struggle was good. i wish i had a product that i had to show for. ive been involved with stuff that have made it successful do to the fact that i am a starter and i need to embrace that strength.
ive been working on this documentary for quite some time and being a shooter, to growing and learning about filmmaking, to piecing the project together i am learning a lot.
when it comes to documentaries, unless you physically shot it, ur not a director. im convinced every camera man is a director and the editor is a director as well.
if the editor ends up on his own, im convinced he is the boss in charge.
creativity is a bitch. so is story telling and filmmaking.
did i mention documentary filmmaking is a bitch too?
These are the type of text messages I always want to receive. Damn auto correct keeps messing up LENUME to Legume, but we are getting close!
For real tho, when you get a text message like this, it only adds the pressure to make your venture work.
Ive never had a job, been hustling since highschool and really have no choice other than to lead my people.
I can be like everyone else and get a job, make money, have a schedule etc…but thats not my calling.
It’s text messages like this that remind me what I am about and what I am trying to do. It also reminds me of the type of tribe I have and how important it is to make this work.
Rarely do we get people who are standing behind us 100% and want it to work out as much as you do.
Don’t take that for granted. Very few are willing to follow, make sure you own that shit and run it till it’s death. I will tell you this much, texts like this get me high and keep me going. Its friends like this that make me believe in myself and want me to fight harder. Its friends like this that place the tribe as priority. Friends that prioritize the tribe are trustworthy, they aren’t just looking out for themselves, they understand there is a big picture going on.
My neighbor’s brother accidently shot his face and completely messed it up. He is 18 years old. Lets call him John.
John wanted to be a UFC fighter. His brother (my neighbor), served in the military and loves him a lot. Since John can’t be a UFC fighter anymore, he told him that he would work and train to be one.
Brother telling his brother he will become what he wanted to be?
This is a huge milestone when it comes to the act of love. This guy is willing to give up whatever he wants so that his brother can live through him.
I don’t think I can commit to something like that, this love is something I am so willing to explore and learn from.